Whirlwind of Changes

This last year has been a whirlwind of changes for me. Joining The Idisi, building my own kantele, and now buying a ukulele…all these things have been positive music focused things. I’ve even dabbled a little with watercolor, and I really want to do more. One of the reason’s I’m looking back, I think, is because my Fourth Annual Spring Music Party is coming up in a little over a week. I’ve been getting together with my sister each week to play music and get a little exercise walking.

I’m still feeling pretty insecure, musically. I’m a beginner at all my instruments, my sisters in The Idisi are great at practice, and we have a good time, and I’m learning a lot about working with a group and different voices. We’re spending a lot of time together, but there are so many of them, and I’m basically shy so it’s hard to make friends.┬áBeginning things over and over again makes me wonder what will happen if I just stick with this stuff a little more steadily, where will I be a year from now?

I hope I will be painting a lot more, I miss painting and I’m very timid with it now. But I really miss what I had in a website with a body of work, I loved designing a great website for myself, and re-designing, and re-designing. I’m learning a new song right now, just the chorus really, and it’s really upbeat and positive. While in many things I try to be optimistic, my experience as an artist has left me pessimistic, I don’t know that I can do what I set out to do. I used to think talent would carry me through, but I learned differently, and that makes me very sad. I am constantly searching for the joy I used to feel, the hopes and dreams that were crushed, can they be dreamed again? I don’t know. But. Maybe. Something better will come if I just keep singing, drawing, painting, playing…